Should We Consider Moving the Family to a New City?
Posted by jefferson on Feb 15, 2012 in Career Advice, Making Money | 12 comments
There has been some discussion at the dinner table lately about whether we would consider moving the family to another city. My wife and I were married almost ten years ago and we have three kids. We have lived in the same suburb of the same Midwestern city for the extent of our marriage. Moving the five of us to another city would certainly represent a major change, but the topic keeps coming up, and it warrants further investigation to see if this idea deserves further consideration.
For myself, moving from city to city was just a part of my childhood. It seemed like my dad was always looking for something new and exciting on the job market, and I was able to experience life in four different states as a result. My family finally settled down when I was in 5th grade, and I have lived in this city ever since. I did move two hours away to go to college, but have planted some roots here in this town that are difficult to uproot. But my extended family is scattered all over the country, and both of my brothers have lived in other cities for extended periods of time. It is a bit trickier for me, because we have kids, but I do think that having this background contributes to my openness about the possibility of moving away.
My wife followed a much different path, and has lived here her entire life. Her parents still live in the same house they were in when my wife was in high school, and nearly all of her grandparents, aunts, and uncles are still in the area. So a move away from familiarity would be an even bigger change for her, but surprisingly– she brings up moving somewhere warmer about fifty times each winter, on especially frigid days.
While I am open to the possibility of moving, there are many things that do entice me to stay. Let’s look at the pros and cons.
Arguments for Staying Put
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Family : Both sets of grandparents live here in the area. It is truly wonderful that our children get to see their grandparents regularly and that they have relationships with them. I was never close with my own grandparents, and I love the fact that my kids do have this as a part of their lives. If we left, we would certainly visit every chance we would get, and internet video applications like Skype make staying in touch remotely easier than ever.
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Our House : We have a nice (mostly) affordable home in a great neighborhood. There is a neighborhood pool with a swim team just two minutes down the road, and I never feel unsafe walking around my neighborhood, even at night. My home isn’t perfect and has a number of things that I would change if I could, but it may be difficult to find a similar value in another city. Not to mention the fact that we would need to SELL the house would certainly be a challenge in this economy. Michelle and I estimate that we would need to sink a minimum of $10,000 into the place just to get it in listable condition.
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Kids Activities : My kids go to a good public school, where they are entrenched and have friends. My kids play baseball and soccer, one of them is in Cub Scouts, and they are both on the swim team. We could certainly find these things elsewhere, but they would have to make new friends.
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Friends : This goes for mom and dad as well; we have some good friends here in town, and moving somewhere new would require to meet some new people. Since we have three kids, we probably wont be especially active in the social scene wherever we go, so meeting other families will have to happen through work, sports teams, or church most likely.
Arguments for Leaving Town
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A Better Fit : There are certainly good things about where we live, but both my wife and I sometimes wonder if we really “fit in” here in the Midwest. We don’t like to hunt. We are very health conscious and prefer to eat organic fruits and vegetables. We don’t judge others and are accepting of all people and lifestyles. It is certainly possible to find like-minded people anywhere, and we have, but I can’t help but wonder if I would find it easier to relate to folks in a different area of the country. Plus, the weather here sucks.
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Dream Job : While I have a good job right now, as far as salary and stability are concerned, there is much about it that isn’t ideal. I have looked at the job market to see what else is out there, and it seems like the best opportunities to find a role that best fits my skills and experience, are available out of town. Should I immediately dismiss an opportunity that truly sounds perfect for me, just because it is in a different city? I don’t think so. In fact, the only way that I *would* consider moving at this point is if there was a dreamy job sitting there waiting for me.
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Sense of Adventure : A life that just spins and spins, year after year, can get dull after a while. Changing things up just for the sake of changing things up, could help us learn more about ourselves and bring us even closer together as a family. What if one my children had a calling to be a deep sea fisherman or a surfer? We would never know, because we are a thousand miles from the sea. What if the thing that brings me the most excitement in the world is downhill snow skiing? I wouldn’t know because there are no mountains in sight. We can investigate those things through travel, of course, but living in a different place will give you new adventures and new perspective on life. Wouldn’t it be good for us to experience life from a different point of view for a while?
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Timing : If we were ever going to do it, now would be a pretty good time to go ahead and pull the trigger on a move. My wife is staying home with the baby, so only one of us would need to find a new job. My oldest son is about to start Middle School, so he is changing schools anyway. My younger son is fairly well adjusted, and wouldn’t have trouble making friends anywhere. Also, we are getting our financial house in order, and its possible that a move could actually *HELP* us in this regard.
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Safety Net : If we move to a different city, and we just don’t like it. We always have the option of moving back. It would be short-sighted to not give it at least 2-3 years in a new location, but that door is always open. We would most likely just rent a house when we first moved, to make sure that the area was a good fit. If we like what we find, then this would allow for us to take our time deciding what part of town to move into, and to shop for the perfect home to settle into.
Financial Considerations
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Cost of Living : Overall, the place we live currently has a fairly low cost of living. Moving out to the West Coast sounds very appealing, until we realize that I would have to earn more than double my salary to afford a house that is half as nice as what we have now. However, other cities compare fairly well to where we are now. Many cities also have a much better tax situation, which would result in more cash to finish off our debt elimination.
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Housing : As mentioned above, we would need to sell our current house and would need to fix up a few spots before list it. However, we have about 25% equity in the current appraised value, which puts us in a much better situation than many people.
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Salary Bump : When I mention the idea of a dream job, it certainly includes a nice bump in salary. For me to consider moving my family to another town– the new position would have to pay $15,000 – $20,000 more than I am currently making. This number is not as unreasonable as it may sound, as some of the positions that I have seen are advertising salaries approaching that number.
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The Cost of Moving: I have heard that many companies are willing to pay as much as $10,000 of relocation costs, if they find the right candidate. This would hopefully be enough to pay not only for the move, but for the most needed home repairs as well. Getting a business to chip in on these costs would also be a prerequisite before considering a move.
There is no nice and neat conclusion to this post, but it feels good to lay it all out in black and white. The way I see it, there is no harm in looking to see what’s out there, even if you aren’t sure if you want to be serious about it. If something falls into my lap that looks absolutely perfect, and is in a location that sounds appealing, I should at least take the time to take a closer look. In the most likely scenario, we will end up staying right where we are. But it is good to remain open to any and all possibilities to improve our life.
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Home is wherever I’m with you.
If only everything that related to our finances was as simple as “Spend less than you earn.”
Life is for living, this isn’t a dress rehearsal, what do you think your death-bed you would say to you about moving?
I’m not really one to talk, as I’ve essentially lived in the same city my whole life, but I have traveled up and down the West Coast, and I haven’t found any where I like better yet. Plus both my family and my wife’s family is around here, so the incentive to move anywhere is quite low. I think it depends on what you’d like to accomplish in life, and how location fits into that. Where were you looking to move to? Know anyone in the area? Any blogger friends, etc.?
The boy & I moved two years ago to a much bigger area of BC (Canada) and it’s been great. It’s been so nice to be able to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and grow with each other. But, we don’t’ have kids or a house, we just rent. As a child, it was a great experience to move – it taught me how to adapt to a new environment. Not all kids will feel the same way though, haha.
the few places that we have talked about potentially relocating are desirable places to live.. nice weather, cheap housing.. we know a few people in these locations, but not many..
many of my decisions in life have been made with security in mind as the most important thing.. this idea is about breaking out of that bubble a bit, and not being afraid to take chances..
daisy stated it well, and i am glad to hear it worked for her in her new location.. it is about pushing us out of our comfort zone and growing with each other.
at this point, i don’t have any solid leads on anything that would get me out of town. but.. i remain open to looking.
Wow, your described situation has much in common with my family. One year into our move and two of us, 8 yo and I have battled situational depression, 11 yo is terribly homesick and husband feels guilty he followed career path when it has hit family so hard. Sounds like our hometown was a better fit for us than yours for you. Step lightly. Two years sounds reasonable (that was our trial period too) until you feel like you’ve not been home for a year.
The Midwest has a reputation for being nice and full of reasonable responsible people. Sounds like your one of them. Might want to consider how done warmer climates are full of natives who are not as quick to form community or invest in good schools, parks, etc.
Again, it may be right for you, but I recommend carefully choosing a new city. Good luck.
Hi Sarah.. Thank you for commenting. I would love to hear more about your experience.. We are still living in the same Midwest city that we were when this post was originally written, and this topic comes of pretty frequently in our house.
The points listed in the article are still valid arguments across the board, and if anything– the allure of trying life somewhere new is even higher. Of course, my kids tell me that they would prefer to stay put, given the choice.
I will say that I do have a deep fear that if we do pull the trigger and move, that the situation could end up much like yours, with everyone homesick. My wife was born and raised in this city, and my kids have never known life anywhere else. Will they be overcome with homesickness if we pack and up move? The truth it is that it is hard to meet people no matter where you live when you have a large family. Participating in sports or clubs, or even going out on the town for a concert or a few drinks– can be almost impossible when you have kids at home. Not to mention that in today’s world of Facebook and Skype, where most folks spend their evenings gathered around a glowing screen, it is just hard to meet people and when you do- to make that jump from acquaintance to true friendships.
Will it be easier to meet people in another town than it is in our current? I have no idea.. I would like to think so, but could it be just hoping for the sake of hoping?
Jefferson,
I would be happy to converse more about this as well. When we made our decision to move, I desperately wanted to gain some insight and found few people who had made a move like ours Midwest to South at that particular time in our lives, baby and two school aged kids. I don’t really care to put my email address on your site, but if there’s some way of getting you more answers to questions that might better help in your decision, please let me know.
Sarah & Jefferson…
I appreciated this blog post. My husband and I moved across the country 9 months ago to follow our dream jobs. We have 3 children as well, ages 8, 5, and 1.
We also craved the idea of fitting in more, and decided to try it out for a few years in a city that had a culture we liked. The only problem with that is, how much time do you actually have for a social life with 3 kids and a dream job?? We actually moved to a city where we briefly lived before and already knew we loved, but it is still hard to have enough patience to plant new roots.
It’s been such a roller coaster ride and we are all extremely homesick (and I pretty much hated where we moved from!).
Even though the kids are active in the school and community, and have made many friends quickly, its almost as if you never feel relaxed. Every little thing you do throughout the day takes more effort. My husband and I talk frequently about moving back home and giving up on the dream because it is very emotionally draining. We still own our house back home, so it would be easy enough to go back — although a lot of packing and such. This is going to sound silly but one of the hardest things for all of us is not living in our house. The market in this new city is full of old, overpriced houses, and we are used to living in the opposite.
Will we stay? I don’t know. I do feel like we gained a lot from the experience … Sometimes I really want to stay in one place forever and other times I just feel like moving around forever. What’s the cure for that?!
We are considering a big move right now, too. Right now we live in the city, about 60 miles from our farm. We both work in the city, but we’ll need to be closer to the farm this summer if we’re really going to commit to this venture. For him it’s just going home, but for me, it’s a big risk that would include me basically uprooting my whole life. I get nervous thinking about what could go wrong, but I need to focus on what can go right.
That said, I moved to a new state just before I entered middle school. It was kind of rough to be the new kid when everyone else grew up together, but not impossible. I was young enough when I left that honestly I’m only in contact with a couple of people from my childhood hometown. The rest are lost to history in my mind. Just don’t wait until he’s going into high school!
Also, the weather in the midwest does suck. I’m still incredulous that I’m signing up for more years of this punishment when I could go back to my warm southern state!
Lyn @ Pretty Frugal recently posted..December Spending Report
Do we stay or do we go back AGAIN that is certainly a question my husband & I as Senior Citizens (77 & 70). Soon, for the first time in our lives we will be living on a FIXED INCOME with some opportunities for part time work if we so choose BUT do we go to our son’s house in North Carolina mountains – they live downstairs and we live upstairs? Do we go to Florida where we were for 23 years and buy a $50,000 condo – two children still live there and we would only be 1 hour from each of them…should we stay in Missouri where we also have two children but seldom see because of their “busy-ness” – now you thought you had decisions to make and from here looking at you, I would do whatever you can at your age because believe me as you grow older you have less and less opportunity and stamina so GO FOR IT!!!
My husband and I moved from NY to OR when our kids were little for a change. We loved it in Oregon but decided to move to GA where some of my family were. My husband didn’t have a job when we got to GA but found one quickly. We have been in GA for the past 10 years. We have a beautiful house and our kids have been in the same school system since kindergarten. Moving to GA allowed us a better cost of living and easier lifestyle. My oldest is going to start High school next year, my second in 6th and youngest not in school yet. We have decided that we want to move to the southwest for a different lifestyle and chances to explore the west again. We use to live in CA where we met and got married. My husband found that he can work out of the south west office but we will not get a relocation package. I know it is a big change especially for the kids and we took a long time to decide. It is scary but we just listed our house and started the process. Change is scary it is suppose to be. As long as I have my family then home is anywhere. Good luck with whatever you decide.