The Minimalism Kick That Left Marks
Posted by michelle on Apr 3, 2012 in Minimalism | 38 comments
This past Sunday was a beautiful day. My boys both had play dates at friends’ houses and my daughter turned 9 months, so we spent some time in the afternoon trying to make her smile for a picture in her pretty dress. The weather was so nice, I optimistically decided to dig up my old summer clothes that I had put away for future use. Most of the clothes probably wouldn’t fit me yet, as I’m not down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but there were a couple of items I wanted to see if I could squeeze into. There was just one problem; my skinny summer clothes weren’t where I had put them. I asked my husband if he’d seen the clothes I’d packed away. He hadn’t. I tried not to panic as a cynical thought crossed my mind. Recently, my husband had gotten into a major minimalism kick and decided that we needed to throw away everything we weren’t using. In his haste, he’d thrown out a few things that I wasn’t happy about. We decided we were going to talk about everything that was getting tossed and not assume that anything that’s packed in the storage room was fit for donation. The memory flashed through me and I immediately sank. ”He threw them away,” I whispered to myself. I started tearing up my bedroom, looking under, in, and behind everything. Nothing. I went down to the basement storage room and ransacked the shelves once more. My hands started shaking. Not only were my skinny clothes nowhere to be found, but a large portion of my maternity clothes were MIA as well. Jeff walked into the storage room and asked me what I was doing.
“You gave away my clothes, didn’t you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I haven’t given anything away that you didn’t tell me to.”
“You mean since we decided we weren’t going to give anything away without asking each other first?”
“Yea, remember? We talked about this, and I haven’t thrown or given away anything since!”
The exchange continued for a few minutes and ended with me walking upstairs to our bedroom, slamming the door behind me and crying. It was not a high point in my life. First of all, it was the first time in my life when saying the phrase “I have nothing to wear” would be somewhat truthful. The only clothes I had for the summer were the maternity clothes that weren’t yet packed up and a few dresses that I miraculously still fit into no matter what size I am. In the Midwest, summer temps climb into the triple digits with ease, so not having a single pair of shorts isn’t a good idea. Secondly, crying over clothes is something that Jeff would never understand. He cares about girls’ fashion about as much as I care about hockey. (Yes, there are some girls who like hockey. I’m not one of them.) Third, I felt bad for fighting over something so stupid and out of my control. Yes, my clothes were gone, but I’m sure it was an accident. Besides, it’s done. What am I going to do? Go to Goodwill and see if they still have them packed and folded neatly in bags marked with my name just in case I change my mind? Of course they don’t. I looked in the mirror. My face was puffy and red with the anger of thinking of another woman wearing my clothes. She probably got a steal of a deal on them. Damn.
Then, all of a sudden, I was at peace with it. They were gone. There was nothing I could do about it. Crying wouldn’t help. Being upset at my husband who now felt like crap wouldn’t help either. I slipped on a breezy, summer dress and made up my face so I didn’t look as psychotic as I had felt. When I came back down, Jeff was sitting out in the yard with our neighbor. Our daughter was crawling around his legs in the grass, her white floppy hat almost blinding me in the bright sun, while the neighbor tried to coax her away from her daddy. Good luck, lady. I came outside and greeted them. My husband told me how pretty I looked in my dress. After the neighbor left, he apologized and we talked.
“You know, my mom always gives me birthday money. She has for the past 15 years. How about we go out and get you some basic essentials and we’ll just use some of my future birthday money since it was my fault.”
“No, you don’t have to do that.”
“I want to.”
I thought for a moment. ”Well, it’s not like you would have used that money for yourself anyway, right?” For the past several years, we’ve used our birthday money for kids’ shoes, groceries, anything but goodies for ourselves really.
“True. I would have just put it towards debt probably.”
“Well then I really don’t want it! I want to get out of debt sooner and I don’t want to feel guilty.”
“Listen. Those numbers I crunched earlier to come up with our debt-free date didn’t include birthday money, so please…take it. At least buy yourself some shorts. It’s already in the 80′s and will be scorching before you know it.”
He then walked towards me on his knees, extending a freshly-picked weed from our lawn. ”Michelle?” I couldn’t help but smile. ”Will you please let me buy you some new clothes?”
Man, I love my husband. He definitely has a way of totally getting under my skin….but he always brings me back with his levelheadedness, generosity, and thoughtfulness. With our renewed vows intact, we corralled 2/3 of the kids and headed to Target for cheap shorts.
Like I said, it was a beautiful day.
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The boyfriend would get the smackdown if he threw out my clothes. I would be soooooo mad! It’s nice that he wants to replace them though. Hopefully not too many of your favorites were in there!
Daisy, it was almost all of my summer clothes. If I start thinking about all the clothes, I’ll get sad. I’m glad you understand! I think some people would roll their eyes and say “really? Crying over clothes?” I think I’m more sad about the money. If I were rich and could afford a whole new wardrobe, I might even have welcomed this. Like those makeover shows? Where’s Stacey and Clinton when you need them (and their $5000..)??
While it absolutely stinks that your clothes were thrown out, I love this story because of the ending–how cute!!!
We made a promise to each other a long time ago; only one of us is allowed to go crazy at once! He was right to leave me alone and let me cry over my clothes!
Awww my bf is very similar. He keeps joking that he’ll throw my stuff away because he says I never buy enough for myself.
That would be awesome IF your boyfriend had a lot of money and wanted to buy you lots of nice, expensive things. Otherwise…don’t touch my clothes!
I love these posts – like short stories! It’s amazing how much we amass as Americans and then struggle to pay for a house big enough to keep it all in. My minimalism kick netted me a ton of tax deductions for clothes and crap as well as a nice chunk of sales on eBaying stuff.
That’s great, Darrell! We probably have some more stuff we could ebay.
Awwwwww, your husband is a sweetie!
As for the crying over clothes, we have all been there! It’s a girl thing!!
He is a sweetie. I can’t ever stay mad at him!
Lovely story – grace on both sides.
Oh! Good girl for getting over it before he offered you birthday money, because you’d already come to peace with it. That way, he didn’t give a pouting wife a gift for pouting, you know? Plus, it’s probably a blessing in disguise, since now you don’t have some reminder of how small you “need” to be this summer.
Can I just give you a gold star? Because I love love LOVE this response!! You are absolutely right. I would have been beating myself up for not being able to squeeze into those old clothes anyway! Good riddance!
Sometimes out with the old and in with the new is a good start! And you’ll definitely find some good stuff at Target!
Mrs MMD does this kind of stuff to me all the time with household things. “Where did that bookshelf or table go?”, I ask. “Goodwill” she replies. I drive her nuts because I try to sell everything on eBay or Craig’s List. She always just wants to be rid of the stuff! In either case – it’s better than the alternative of living like a hoarder!
Definitely better than being a hoarder. Yuck!
The bf has shrunk several cashmere sweaters, but never thrown anything away (although they had to be thrown since they were barbie size when he was done). Sounds like he meant well and it all worked out in the end. Positive spin…At least he’s not like my bf who never wants to give anything away
True…he’s not a hoarder in any way!
I do love following your blog – you guys are awesome. It’s just following real life and what’s better than reality (not the crap seen on TV) that we can all relate to?
I will say that IF my wife had a ton of clothes then I’d be throwing some out as well (not on accident). However, she just doesn’t have many so it hasn’t been an issue….yet.
I didn’t have too many clothes, though
I now have one pair of shorts…and they’re maternity. I wore them yesterday rolled down! The two pairs of shorts I bought at Target are going back to the store…ugh. I can’t shop with a baby! I just guessed at my size…and I was apparently optimistic.
I can just imagine how violated and upset you must have felt after Jefferson tossed out your treasured clothing. We guys don’t value clothes the way most women do. To us, if it covers your butt and it’s a comfortable fit, then that’s good enough.
I love the happy ending where you had you moment of truth in seeing your clothes as just clothes. And, Jefferson was a standup guy in the end, as well. Great story!
He is a good guy (most of the time!)
My husband know better not to touch my clothes. But if the closed are packed away in a donation bag, it is the whole different story. Look at it as an eventual excuse to do some shopping.
I would definitely do that!
Eventual…:)
Wow, I would have been just as upset as you – if not more upset! Great job keeping a level head afterwards and it sounds like your husband is definitely a keeper. What a sweet ending!
Yea, I might keep him around for a lil longer…he’s tall and I do need help reaching things sometimes!
I don’t know what I’d do in this situation! I’m rather attached to my clothes, and even though none of them fit my 7.5 month preggo belly now, I hope to squeeze back into my shorts next year! Very sweet to offer you the b-day funds, though — he’s a keeper!
7.5 month prego bellies are the cutest things ever! Mine was still cute then, but then the belly button pops out and you look like you have a giant boob. (tmi?)
Michelle, you are an amazing writer. You know the art of transcending your emotions well in your article. Kudos! I’ve all the more respect for Jefferson now for being a great husband and a wonderful father.
Thank you so much for that sweet compliment, Shilpan!
Oh man, I went through the emotional ups and downs of this just reading it! I was so pissed at your hubby when you found out all of your pre-baby summer clothes were gone, then melted into a pile of awwwws when he shuffled across the grass towards you and asked you to let him buy you some new clothes. You definitely found a keeper
Yeaaa…he’s alright
I’m very unattached to my clothes, but I know after having two kids in the past three and a half years I couldn’t wait to get back in my “skinny” clothes. It sucks your clothes got thrown out but it’s nice to see how your story worked out to be so loving.
It’s crazy how we make that such a feat, no matter what shape we were in before pregnancy. I was pretty thin before pregnancy and now I’m a healthy weight, but it’s not good enough. Why? Because that’s not what size I started at! I’m laughing at myself…but at the same time, I know there are other people who are noting that I haven’t lost the weight yet. :/ I wish I could turn off the part of me that cares what people think.
Love to read the story. I don’t have that courage, honestly..
It was an accident. I don’t have too many clothes. Besides, he would never do something like that intentionally.
At first I felt like … Poor Jeff. But I think you both handled it pretty well. These little incidents make your bond stronger
This is a sweet story…at least your husband was nice about it and he really didn’t mean to hurt you.
My husband intentionally threw out something I liked just a week ago. I had this lovely candle that was Limited Edition and it always made me feel a bit more uplifted when I would get a whiff of it. He waited until I was asleep and he threw it out, along with two of my journals.
The candle can’t be replaced because I can’t find it anywhere else, but that really isn’t the point. I’m more hurt by the lack of respect he showed me. I would never throw out his stuff without asking him. I’m starting to realize that he is very passive-aggressive and he shows his anger in very underhanded ways. Being a minimalist is one thing, but to throw out my stuff when he knew that it would hurt me is not OK.
And then he played dumb when I confronted him, which bothered me even more. It’s like, just admit it, dude…you were mad at me and you threw my stuff away. Why not be a man and talk to me if there’s a problem?
So you’re very lucky that your husband really didn’t mean to do it and he was so sweet about the whole situation. Mine doesn’t seem to care or even see why his actions were wrong. He just seems annoyed by the fact that I’m not too blind or stupid to notice my things missing. There was a weak apology, but no real attempt to fix anything or reassure me that he won’t do it again. Now I wonder if this is the first time he’s done something like this…I guess it bothers me because I grew up relatively poor and my mother taught me not to throw away things that could be used again. One of the “golden rules” I learned is that part of showing respect is not touching other people’s stuff, especially without their consent, and you certainly don’t throw it away without asking first. I’m just thankful he didn’t throw away something of sentimental value.
Anyway, this was a beautiful story and your blog is cool…it will help me to budget and be more thrifty. Thanks for sharing, Michelle!