My Expensive Vice That Went Up In Flames
Posted by michelle on Jun 18, 2012 in Saving Money | 37 comments
Stylin and Profilin in ’08
Years ago, Jefferson and I had an expensive addiction; smoking! We weren’t pack-a-day smokers, or wake-and-light-up smokers. We never even smoked in the house, but we were smokers nonetheless. We called ourselves “social smokers” because it sounded better and perhaps because it felt like less of a commitment. If we were social smokers, we weren’t as bad as those that smoked everyday. We only did so when we drank. Because we were in our 20′s and had active social lives meant that we were being quite social several times per week. There were days in which we had burned through more than a pack in a night for just the two of us. I knew then that we were smoking too much, but I was in denial.
Since I was little, I’ve always had issues with smoke, as I used to have asthma pretty bad as a child. When I first started smoking, I felt like I was going to faint from the pressure in my lungs. I know that my mom is reading this (because she reads all my posts…thanks mom!) and it breaks my heart knowing how much it probably hurt her when she found the cigarettes I was hiding from her as a teenager. Neither of my parents smoked when I was a teenager, but the rebel in me wanted to see what it was like. Also, I had to be cool…and a lot of my friends smoked! 4 1/2 years ago, I finally quit. I quit lying to myself and saying “I’m just a social smoker!” I took ownership of the habit. Unfortunately, my verve for health and freedom from this habit was overshadowed by my chemical addiction. Even though I had only been a social smoker, the addiction had its hold on my weak willpower. It had never been a problem to quit and I was never affected by a craving or weak moment while pregnant, but this was different. I wasn’t quitting for a child; I was quitting for myself this time.
If you want to find out how much you really love yourself, try doing something purely for you. It’s so much harder than quitting for someone you love, like your baby, in my humble opinion. Not only was it hard because I wasn’t pregnant — a concrete reason to quit immediately and cold turkey, but the fact that I was still being sociable and drinking on occasion made it harder as well. Whenever I went out with the girls or had friends over for drinks, I’d want to light up as I always had. It was pretty hard every time my friends who smoked would go outside and leave me inside to wait with the other non-smokers. I remember a friend once telling me that we were “the cool kids” and I laughed. I still laugh at this, but now for a different reason. After becoming more confident in my pathetic willpower, I began to look at things differently. I didn’t need a cigarette to be a cool kid! Are you kidding me? I exude so much coolness, you might want to put on a coat when I’m around!
A couple years back, my dad called me and said he and my mom were on their way over to the house. He said they wanted to tell us something important. My heart sank. I didn’t know what they wanted to talk about, but I knew that it was serious. When they came inside, my dad didn’t want to sit. He stood near me and quickly told me that he had undergone a routine check at the doctor’s and that they had discovered a 4-centimeter long tumor. This tumor was cancerous. I hadn’t expected to hear those words. My dad was so healthy. Sure, he had smoked years ago, but he was a healthy eater who stayed fairly active, playing tennis a few times a week even. I probably wasn’t as strong in front of him as I should have been. In fact, I know I wasn’t. I shook my head and just said “No. No, you’re not serious. No!” I tried not to cry, but I could feel my chin quivering as he told me about the procedure, the doctor’s comments, and the plan for the future. Since that time, my dad has been through a lot. He’s the strongest man I know, but even Superman can be knocked down…and my super hero dad was no exception. Seeing my dad in such a state has really pushed me into a healthier lifestyle. True that I had quit smoking before my dad’s diagnosis, but it definitely kicked me into gear. I wanted to be healthy for my kids, for my family, for ME! Since my grandmother (my dad’s mom) had also developed cancer, I felt that I really needed to stop eating the crap, start taking better care of myself, and definitely not smoke anymore…even socially! Since then, I’d also stopped tanning. In the winter, I look like a ghost, but I’ll take looking like a ghost over being one any day!
For my dad, his scare with the big C is hopefully all but over. He had what was optimistically his last surgery a few months ago and is doing great! He’s gone back to being very active, taking long walks daily, eating right, and playing tennis at least once a week. He is working on building back his strength and stamina and I thank God every day that he is still here and a big part of my life. He’s still the first person I call when I’m upset about something. Even though my dad loathes talking on the phone (he’s a man…it happens?), he is always there for me, to talk me down off the ledge and offer his down-to-earth, peaceful approach. I love my dad so much and am so lucky to have such an amazing guy in my life. My mom once told me that I would be lucky if I ever found a man half as good as my dad. I still love that she said that, because it was funny and because it was true. I won’t get into who’s a better man, as my husband is a pretty amazing man as well, but I will just say that I think I made her proud by marrying a hardworking, loving man, just like my dad.
This past Saturday, I invited myself over to my parents to visit and to inspect the contents of their refrigerator, a job I take very seriously. (They didn’t have much to eat, though!) As I grazed, I watched my dad play with my daughter. She can be a mama’s girl, preferring to smile at you from behind my skirt, but my dad won’t accept one of his grandchildren not playing with him. He sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and started banging pots and tossing cookie cutters around. I think he was making a cookie cutter stew. My daughter seemed to be intrigued, but it still took her a few minutes of coaxing before she finally sat beside my dad and helped him make his stew, tasting all the inedible ingredients and handing out the ones she didn’t fancy. Watching them play brought back sweet childhood memories of my dad playing with me and my sister. Dolls, tea parties, My Little Pony…he did it all! My sister and I fondly remember one of his favorite games he liked to play with us; Whoops The Baby! We would hand him a doll, swaddled and well-loved, and he would cuddle her and then accidentally drop the baby, yelling “Whoops The Baby!” My sister and I would crack up as my dad would fumble the doll and quickly catch her by a foot or a hand. He was always so good at playing with us. Maybe that’s why I’ve always thought of him as being such a strong man. It takes a strong man to be able to lift heavy items, but an even stronger man to carry a child. Thanks for teaching me so much, Dad.
Disclaimer: I have a lot of friends who smoke and I love them to pieces! This post is not my way of telling anyone to quit. Yes, it is healthier not to smoke! Everyone knows that, and you don’t need to read a post on See Debt Run to learn this. I’m simply telling my story of why I don’t smoke, even when I find myself in situations where I normally would have wanted to.
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Congrats on staying cigarette free for the past 4 1/2 years you two. I am sorry to hear that it took a very sad situation to really drive that home. That must’ve been pretty rough to go through. My mom had a bit of a scare with something like that, although definitely not as a serious as a 4 inch tumor. At the time I didn’t really appreciate how scary it still was. I kinda wish I had because then I would’ve taken better care of myself in the last 15 years. For a bit I was also a smoker when I drank. For me it was partly because I was a big pothead and just wanted to be able to smoke something publicly. That habit didn’t last very long, but I can’t say the same about the pot lol, although I think I’m over that too now.
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Thank you, Jeremy. I wish I could say I was totally cigarette-free the past 4 1/2 years, but I still smoked from time-to-time until my dad had his scare. That really kicked my butt! I also would like to say how much I enjoy your honesty in your comments here! I hope you’re over all of that now as well. Pot might not be as bad for you as cigarettes because of carcinogens, but it’s still not *good* for your lungs! No way! I’ve heard people say that it’s natural and bla bla bla, but so are the eggs I ate this morning and I’m pretty sure they would no longer be “good” for me if I smoked them instead of eating them.
Okay, that’s the weirdest point I’ve ever tried to make…ha!
Great story, Michelle! It’s great to see that your dad was truly a “dad”!
Since you’re getting serious about this healthy-living thing I’d encourage you to check out a few movies: “Food, Inc” and “Forks Over Knives.” If you can handle the dry, boring, and scientific evidence, I’d still suggest you read “The China Study” too.
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Thanks, Jason. I would love to start improving my diet a little more. When I was pregnant and nursing, I was so hungry all the time and also felt like I didn’t want to experiment with giving up certain foods when it was already hard for me to find the time to make meals for myself and take care of a newborn. Now that the babes is almost a year old and much easier to handle, I feel like I have time to work on my diet and incorporate some healthier new foods for my family as well. We already eat healthier than probably 80% of Americans, but we can always improve in some areas. Like cereal in the morning!!!! There’s so much controversy over wheat and grains these days and my family eats wheat or some other grain every single morning!! We’re just not morning people maybe? Because we don’t mind cooking for other snacks or meal times, but breakfast is always super fast and lazy over here. Thanks for the suggestions. I will let you know what I thought of each
Congrats on being smoke-free!!! That is so awesome
I am glad that you are on a healthy path for you and your family.
Also, the story of your dad playing that game with you and your sister? Too cute for words…
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Thanks, Mackenzie. My dad is the best! He did a lot of girly stuff with us, but he also taught me the right way to throw a football. And now? I throw a football better than a lot of men I know! And I’m not very big or very strong!
good job. quitting smoking is so hard. i too was a social smoker for years. and i loved it. i still think i would love it today, but the idea of my kids watching me smoke or knowing i smoke is what has held me back. if they start smoking on their own, i’ll deal with that then, but i don’t want it to be because i set an example for them. great job. another thing we have in common!!!
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Crystal, thank you. I agree with you entirely! My oldest is 11, which means he *has* seen the cigarettes in the house before and asked about them. It breaks my heart in two knowing that I might have influenced him. Since we quit, he’s said things like “you used to smoke” or “why did you smoke before?” and I feel awful! Good for you for quitting before you had kids. I should have loved myself and my children more, but I won’t regret the past; I will just learn for the future.
Great job M (and J!) – I think that is a HUGE hurdle that you overcame. My BF was a smoker too…definitely not a social smoker. I hated it when I first met him, but it grew on me since he smoked menthols. All of my friends and him would go outside to take smoke breaks. I always felt left out every time they did that..it was definitely like the cool club. I would smoke sometimes but just socially, but I never got addicted. Thankfully my BF just went cold turkey right after graduating, and luckily he doesn’t smoke anymore. I remember how hard it was for him..he tried to stop at least 5 times before that. So glad you overcame this! And your dad sounds like an awesome guy.
For some reason, my dad AND stepdad love talking on the phone though lol.
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I’m glad you figured out that you ARE the cool kid, Erika, and that it has nothing to do with smoking or not! That’s awesome that your dad and stepdad both like talking on the phone. My poor dad…haha. I always imagine him banging his head against the wall while I dribble on and on and what so-and-so said and how it made me feel. He gives such great advice, though, and always makes me feel better…so he better get used to it, because I’m going to keep bothering him on the phone!
I used to smoke through college, but when my wife was pregnant she made me quit. This was about 8 years ago. A few years ago our state went “smoke free,” in bars, and that makes hangovers a thing of the past. I don’t foresee Missouri ever going smoke free.
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Oh John, I know! Missouri LOVES smokers. We have the lowest tax and price on cigarettes in the whole country, I believe. We also vote down the smoking bans time and time again. I don’t like eating in restaurants that are really smoky, but I don’t eat out hardly ever, so it doesn’t really affect me much now.
Wow, that was a tough wake up call from your Dad. But I’m glad to hear you guys turned a corner. I had a similar “wake-up” experience with my dad and heart attacks. Eating healthier is much better than having your chest cut open and operated on.
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Oh my goodness, MMD! Is your dad okay? That is so scary! Eating healthy is a choice I make everyday, several times a day, but like I told Jason from WSL, I know that I could still improve on this. I could also be more active. I do walk at least 2 miles a day, up hills and pushing a stroller, but we used to play sports and I haven’t joined any leagues this summer. I really miss playing volleyball and being competitive…maybe it will be easier when the little one isn’t so tiny and needy. Thanks for the comment.
I hope your dad’s journey continues to be a positive one! I know how hard it can be…I once had a family member who was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She hadn’t smoked in over two decades; but when she had she had smoked a pack a day. Now she has to wear a bag outside of her to catch her urine. It’s really sad.
That’s so great that you quit; it’s so hard. Huge kudos to you for not starting up again when you heard the news about your dad; from my observations it’s an addiction that sticks with you forever, and when something that monumental and stressful happens it can force even the most resolute person to light up again.
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That is sad, Brynne, but I always say…it beats the alternative. I used to think it would be the worst thing in the world to get Cancer, but now I know that it’s not. The worst thing in the world is going undiagnosed and of course…not recovering. Thank you for the compliment! It was hard at times, but after my dad told me his scary news, I wanted a drink not a smoke!
That’s a lovely photo of you and Jefferson back in 2008. You look so happy together, and that’s such a beautiful thing.
You should be really proud of yourselves for having kicked such an awful and potentially deadly habit. I’ve never been a smoker, but I would have to assume that, like any other type of habit, it’s very hard to break. I’m glad that you not only broke the habit, but that you did it strictly for you.
Your story about your father’s battle with cancer was so heartfelt. Reading how much he and your daughter reminded you of your childhood was so touching.
Congratulations on breaking your smoking habit, and thank you for sharing your experience.
I am proud of us! It’s never easy to quit doing something you’re used to being a part of your life.
Thank you for your comment. Any story I ever write about my dad will be heartfelt because I love him so much! He’s such a good person and I’m so lucky to call him dad.
I’m really sorry about your dad, but I hope the last surgery truly kicked the big C’s butt! And very cool that you quit!
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Me too, Nick! I think we are in the clear, but he still has to get checks until they officially say he is “Cancer-free.” I can’t wait for that day. I will breathe a little easier for sure.
Very nice pic of the two of you! You look so happy!! Good to hear that you were able to kick your smoking habit. I’m sure it was quite difficult. My addiction is food and I know how difficult it can be to make sure we eat healthy everyday. Also happy to hear that your father is active again. He needs to stay well so that you can play with your children for years to come. I wish him the best!!
I came from a family of smokers, and I’m the only one that never tried it, although I know I probably got a ton of second hand smoke, as my mother smoked at home all the time. Back then cigarettes were cheap. She actually smoked for 60 years. She was in and out of the hospital many times in her life, but never for cancer. The thing that took her was heart disease. It’s tough to watch a parent get sick.
Oh, it is so tough, Sicorra. I honestly tried my hardest to be strong the first time he went in for surgery, but I was a blubbering mess as soon as I saw the guy who I’d always thought was so strong lying in a hospital bed. Stupid Cancer doesn’t care. I’m also glad he’s active again. It’s so good for your mind as well as your body and heart! My dad is like me in that he hates to be physically lazy. If I’m not active, I start getting so depressed…it’s weird. I really need to get back into sports. Maybe I could play tennis WITH my dad? I’ve always been awful at the sport, but maybe I could try harder!
Love that picture!
Reminds me of our wild nights out. Time long gone. 
I am smoke free for the last twelve years. I still, very seldomly will smoke on a social occassion. And you know what? It is funny but I really enjoy that one cigarette I allow myself.
It can be a very expensive habit (I was a pack-a-day smoker) and very unhealthy. I was AMAZED how my skin started to look in about three weeks after I quit.
Kudos to you for not smoking!
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We aren’t wild anymore either. We would like to still go out occasionally with friends (maybe not drink as much and definitely not smoke at all!) but we really haven’t since having our 3rd child. I know we will become more sociable once she is less needy, but for now, we don’t mind being homebodies. Bachelorette comes on tonight–wooo! Haha…different things excite me now!
Great job being smoke-free for 12 years! Once you’ve been smoke-free for so long, it just sounds gross now, doesn’t it? It does for me anyway. Even when I’m drinking or with my smoking friends, I don’t even crave it at all anymore.
I love this post! So sorry to hear about your dad, but I’m glad he is doing good. As you probably know, my dad passed away 4 years ago from lung cancer and brain cancer (with it mainly being due to smoking).
I always tell people to not smoke! It’s not good. However, the boy does smoke.
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I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for you. I know it must be hard for you that the boy smokes too, but quitting is one of those things that you have to do for yourself. Sure, he probably would quit for you if you asked. But it usually lasts longer when you do it for yourself.
Great post Michelle. It makes me nostalgic now to think about wonderful things that my father has done for me over the years. He quit his job and started business in a town so that I can get good private schooling. I even remember one school trip that I missed due to being late at the school. He drove all the way to about few hundred miles just so that I can be with my friend. I won’t ever repay enough gratitude to my dad.
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Thanks Shilpan. When I was little, I was hardly grateful for anything my parents did for me. My mom often told me I was an ingrate. She also told me that she hopes I have a daughter just like me one day! Haha…I did! Well, I slept better actually
Congrats for quit smoking. I know it’s hard, because I was a smoker for 14 years and last 5 years I smoke 1 pack a day. I love those days and nights when party ’till morning and smoking like a train
But health is more important and I want to enjoy a healty life togheter with my family. Wish you and your family all the best!
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We too had many nights of partying til morning, but now the only time we’re up til morning is when one of the kids is sick! Good job choosing a healthy life with your family!
Big congrats on quitting smoking! Not only is a fugal move it’s a healthy move.
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Congrats on your smoking cessation! It is not an easy habit to kick, so I applaud both of you on this journey. I am happy that your dad’s C battle is over. No one ever wants to go through that, but at least he can look at it in his rear view mirror.
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Great way to put it, Roshawn–he will hopefully only ever have to see it through the rearview from now on. Thanks for the kudos on quitting. I’m so glad I chose my health!
That is one vice I seriously wouldn’t try. This is mainly because of my own respiratory problems and I wouldn’t try to risk getting any diseases connected to smoking. Well, one of the worst that you would ever get from smoking is reduced, and often permanently, fertility of sperm and eggs. It is the worst because we have been trying so hard to have a baby yet to no avail. And I wouldn’t want to lose any small chance that we have.
I understand the respiratory troubles because my mom and sister also have asthma. It hurts me to be around smoking now, so it’s weird that I actually used to do it myself! What was I thinking?? I wish you the best in trying for a new baby, John. We’ve come so far medically that I hope they are able to help you with your wishes.
Congratulations on quitting!!
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