Dance Like No One’s Looking
Posted by michelle on Jul 16, 2012 in Parenting | 54 comments
Earlier in the night, before the kids had turned the party into an underage night club, a couple of my girlfriends and I were inside soaking up the AC and catching up with each other. We are busy moms and definitely don’t talk on the phone as much as we should. Since I’d had a glass of wine or two by this point, I’d started blurting out unedited thoughts like usual. I swear some of my friends only keep me around for the sheer entertainment value I must provide while inebriated. Here’s how one of my random thoughts verbalized:
Me: ”You guys…I’m thinking about getting a part-time job. Not to pay off debt faster or anything…just so I can spend it all on clothes. Does that sound stupid?” Yes, it sounds completely idiotic. Hey, let’s spend a bunch of time away from the fam just so you can dress to impress the other moms at the bus stop. Genius.
Girlfriend 1: ”What are you thinking about doing?”
Me: ”I was thinking of working at a retail store in the mall. That way, I can shop while I’m making money! I was thinking The Limited might be fun?”
Girlfriend 2: ”You’ll get a discount at The Limited, Victoria’s Secret, and Bath And Body Works.”
Me: ”Cool, I didn’t know that! Yeah, I’m really thinking about it, because I love being able to stay home with the kids, but I really feel like being able to shop every once in a while would be so good for my sanity.”
Girlfriend 2: ”Is shopping what makes you happy?”
Me: ”Yeah!” I said before thinking it through. I mean, really? Did I just say that shopping makes me happy? How lame can you be, Michelle? I tried to soften it. ”I mean, I just feel like if I could go shopping a couple times a month and spend a couple hundred dollars on cute clothes, I would feel pretty and sophisticated and not so stuck-in-a-rut.” Great job, Michelle. Way to shed some light on your silly, vain, ill-thought-out plans. Working at a retail store so you can spend it all on clothes? Yep, I’m a moron. A fashion slave moron.
Girlfriend 1: ”I think that would be good for you. You could get out of the house and talk to other adults. I think it’s a great idea.”
Girlfriend 2: ”Not to put a damper on your plans…I think it’s great that you want to get a part-time job, Michelle, but if you’re only doing it so you can spend the money on clothes and you think it will make you happy, there are other things you can do that would make you happy.”
Me: ”You’re probably right, but I’ve been a little down about not being able to spend money lately. It comes and goes.”
Girlfriend 2: ”Look…here’s what makes me happy; running for charities, volunteering at church, going to my Thursday book club… I’ve actually thought about inviting you to the book club a couple of times!”
Me: ”Really?”
Girlfriend 2: ”Yeah, I think you’d like it. It’s some girls I know from church and they’re all our age…and you guys, they’re just like us; normal girls.”
Girlfriend 1 and I laughed, because we knew what she meant. She was trying not to scare us off, since she knows that we aren’t as involved in church as she is. I mean, honestly, I’m much more likely to exclaim “Praise GOD this is some good wine!” than a real, sincere prayer in public. It’s not that I’m not grateful for this beautiful, amazing life and my healthy kids and loving husband. I just think I’m afraid of offending, or turning off, those that aren’t religious. I’m a crowd-pleaser to a fault in that respect.
As we talked, my friend told me more about the Thursday book club. They’re only 2 chapters into the book, and I’m a fast reader, so I should be able to catch up in the next couple of days. I talked to Jeff about our schedule and it turns out that Thursday is actually the best day, and possibly the only day, that would work. I told my friend that I would come along this week and check it out. I’ll update soon with how it went. I’m so happy for my friend for having found something that makes her so feel so fulfilled in her life. She told me that doing something for yourself feels good, but that doing something for someone else (like the runs she’s completed and the work she’s done for the church) can feel amazing. Oh, how I want that. I doubt anyone’s ever laid on their death bed and said “wow, that skirt I wore 50 years ago was super cute!” but I hope to one day look back at my life and feel satisfied knowing that I made the world a better place. I don’t know what yet, but I hope I can find some way to do some good for others in this life. Hey, maybe Girlfriend 2 wants a really slow running partner?
54 Comments
Leave a Reply
eBook with Michelle & Jefferson for only $4.99!
As Seen On
About Us
Designed by Nuts and Bolts Media | © 2013 See Debt Run
Business
Haha you must’ve been embarrassed later realizing how you put shopping ahead of extra time with the kids. I guess it really is an addiction that people just crave. It sounds like girlfriend #2 will be a pretty good influence on you. There are plenty of ways to connect with other adults and keep yourself happy without it forcing you to get a part time job. I do give you credit for not being overbearing with religion though. I’m not religious at all and it does get annoying when those who are religious have to push it on others a lot.
Modest Money recently posted..How Airline Credit Cards Cost You More
I’m always embarrassed the morning after I drink. I’m a lightweight and have no filter. I also assumed a 22 y/o was 26. Thankfully, she wasn’t offended, because if you made *me* 4 years older, I’d be a little hurt. :/ As for the religion, I just never want to make anyone feel awkward or excluded. I think it’s just such a personal thing for me.
Michelle,
Sounds like the children know how to party. Keep an eye on the 12 month old! As for shopping and making more money to be happy, it’s been proven–to some degree–that retail therapy isn’t a total fallacy. More importantly, it’s how you spend your money.
But hey, a book club is a cheaper, less time consuming and self-improving hobby. I’m a big proponent of people of all ages making time to have a healthy, enriching social life.
Have you ever read Bowling Alone? I have yet to, but it’s all about the collapse of American community. It may not be a bad book for your club!
-Christian L.
Smart Military Money recently posted..How Not to Break the Bank on Couple’s Budgeting
No, I’ve not read Bowling Alone. Thanks for the suggestion! I love to read, but like everyone else–wish I had more time to do so.
My 12-month-old is a firecracker. She loves being the center of attention and twirling and clapping for herself. She’ll even say “yaayyyy” when she does something that she thinks we should find impressive.
I dislike dancing almost more than public speaking.
We are going to a wedding this weekend and I’m dreading stepping 1 foot on the dance floor.
That’s great your friend invited you to the book club. It’s a lot of fun to help other people but as with all things you have to find a balance. It’s easy to get wrapped up in charitable activities and neglect family and personal time. Just try to find a balance.
There is no doubt that some of our charitable work is the most rewarding to us though. I love to give and help others. There is really no other feeling like it.
Jason recently posted..5 Reasons to Buy a Home in This Market
You’re not going to take Toots out on the dance floor? You’re so like Jeff! He’ll just sit there while I’m out on the floor dancing all night. During slow songs, I just grab a kid and make them twirl around with me.
I would love to do more charity work!! I’m excited about doing some at fincon! You’re right that it feels so good to know you’re helping others.
Michelle, I totally get the whole “stuck in a rut” thing! You are speaking my language
I think the book club is a good idea, and if it doesn’t work out, you can always try something else. I’ve been thinking I need to get out and do something as well.
Mackenzie recently posted..Know The Signs…
It is hard to get out and do things like this with small kids. It’s almost like we need a charitable person (a babysitter!) to help us so we can be charitable people. I think we might have to do things like this one at a time until lil miss gets a bit older.
I know what you mean about shopping Michelle . Being a guy, I’m not a fan of clothes shopping, but I do love purchasing the latest and greatest electronics. Thankfully I’ve developed a system and each time I buy something new, I sell what it replaced on eBay.
JW @ AllThingsFinance recently posted..Student Loan Debt – Midweek Infographic
Jeff is similar. He doesn’t care at all about clothes, but he likes games and gadgets and stuff that *I* think is silly! Ebay is a great idea. We’re considering selling my daughter’s clothes, but what if my sister has a girl next? Or a cousin? I’m a little bit of a pack rat with my kids’ clothes, I’ll admit. We do have 4-5 other items that should net us a couple hundred dollars this month, though.
When it comes to dancing in public, you can count me out. However, I love watching other people dance and have a good time (especially the little ones.) You must’ve had a ball watching your kids on the soul train line.
Personally, I feel you on earning extra money for clothes shopping, and it’s no different for guys.
The book club idea sounds good, especially if you love to read and share ideas with a group. I hope that you and Jefferson enjoy it.
Anthony Thompson recently posted..Self Manager – How to Masterfully Practice the Law of Reciprocity
My kids are hilarious. The coolest thing about my 8-year-old is that he doesn’t care at all what you or anyone else thinks about him! He dances to the beat of his own drum. We never taught him any dance moves…they are all his!
I’m really looking forward to the book club! It’s just for the girls, so Jeff will stay home with the kids. Maybe they’ll have a dance party!
Sounds like a great drink conversation! You have good friends though – keeping you from working more and inviting you to a book club? Sounds like a perfect trade off to me!
Young Professional Finances recently posted..My Mistake
My girlfriends are the best! They are right about the pt job, too. I wouldn’t make enough to make it worthwhile…and I’d be around my biggest temptation even more! If I’m going to get a side hustle, it’s got to be less of a temptation.
I can identify with tipsy Michelle! It takes more than a glass or two to get me on the dance floor, but sometimes it would be nice to look…nice lol. For me I think it’s more the time factor than anything else, but I do get a boost from the occasional retail therapy!
If Thurs night is the only night that would work for you guys anyways, it may just be better to do book club. The cost to have someone watch your kids is probably too high to legitimize the job…even with the discount :p
femmefrugality recently posted..Pirate’s Kids Club
This is true, Brynn. Jeff and I had talked about it before my mentioning it to my girlfriends and he said it wasn’t worth it. I wanted to hear other people’s opinions, though.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a new top to make you feel glamorous. From reading your blog it sounds like you work really hard and just want a treat every now and again. I don’t think you need a part time job to make that happen. And I would drink wine and dance with you anytime.
L Bee and the Money Tree recently posted..Week 3 of the No-Spend Challenge
I like you. I like you a lot.
lol
I agree that a nice top making me feel great every once in a while isn’t terrible as long as we are still on schedule with our debt reduction goals and savings plans. The thing is? We’re not. We had a terrible month and I *still* wanted a new top..or two. Sigh…
Anyway, let’s go back to the part where we’re going to drink wine and dance! That’s easier and cheaper!
That’s great your friend invited you to the book club, and sounds like you got an up and coming superstar. Can’t you hear the dollar signs?
Eddie recently posted..Escape Living Paycheck to Paycheck Rut
Representin the burbs…holla!
I’m sure he’ll be huge one day….lol
Wine and an audience will cause you to say some silly things you don’t really mean. I don’t think anyone honestly questions your priorities when you want extra money to shop. Everyone works a little harder here and there to earn extra cash so they can enjoy their hobbies. Kids and the family are great, but we all need a little “me” time.
BTW – My 7YO also busts out the break-dance moves every time we go any place there is dancing. I don’t know where he gets it from, but it is hilarious!
My Money Design recently posted..Lessons in Retirement from the Movie “About Schmidt”
Thank you for this. That made me feel better for sure! I do just want a little me money and to feel pretty.
Your 7-year-old sounds adorable. I have no idea where my 8-year-old got his moves either! Definitely not from me. I love to dance, but breakdancing? Not so much!
I bet tipsy Michelle and I would get along swimmingly! I hate retail shopping but found designer shoes at Goodwill yesterday and they’re making me happy right now (probably because they are flats!) but I get that you want to have a part time something so you can spend your money on you.
Kathleen @ Frugal Portland recently posted..The best time of our lives
Designer shoes at goodwill?! Sweet find, Kathleen! Not to belittle any friendship we would *surely* have if we lived closer, but just fyi…tipsy Michelle gets along with EVERYONE. lol
I totally know what you mean. When you’re living on such a strict budget the idea of shopping is so much more desirable. Case and point me taking every opportunity to get a new purse or dress for someone’s wedding or whatever. I love to shop because I never really get to shop. And it does make me happy for the first few minutes of purchasing it, but then the feeling goes away. I definitely think getting involved in something, like a book club or volunteering will be such a great experience for you! I volunteered for just one day at my friend’s work which is a non-profit and it was so much fun and I felt so fulfilled after!
Mo’ Money Mo’ Houses recently posted..My Credit Card Was Hacked! Or Was It…?
I bet you had a good time, Jessica. I would love to have more time to do those things. I think Jeff and I are just going to have to volunteer one at a time so we don’t need a sitter.
And I do the same thing where I look for opportunities to shop and conveniently call them needs. Oh, Fincon?! Well I guess I *have* to buy a new pair of shoes…lol jk…maybe.
When I actually dance, I tend to dance like no one is watching even though they are and I know they are laughing. Mostly cause I have ZERO rhytm. (Don’t ask how I became a cheerleader…I don’t know either) I mean if you say move to the left, I start moving to the right, stop, move to the left in a stuttery manner and than try to move double time as everyone is already moving to the right. I’m funny to watch when I do kickboxing classes.
A book club sounds awesome! I wish people around here had one but I haven’t heard of one yet.
I’m also a lightweight and am FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE when I do drink. Apparnetly, it’s funny.
bogofdebt recently posted..Spending Recap 7/9-7/15
You sound like my kinda girl! Are you going to fincon?! I just think you’d be FUN!
Sadly no! It’s just not in the cards this year. I was hoping next year but that’s going to depend on where it’s at and of course when. Silly honeymoon getting in the way
bogofdebt recently posted..House Issues: A Rant
Well, you have a good excuse. I guess I’ll let it slide since it’s for your honeymoon.
It appears as if you struggle with the same thing my wife, an at-home mom, does in some ways. She wanted a part time job for the social connection to peers.
Adam Hathaway recently posted..The Baby Steps I Took To Living My Dreams and How You Too Can Begin Today
Did your wife get the pt job, Adam? Do tell! Is she happy? Is it helping, or are you guys just spending more money on gas, clothes, etc? I still might think about doing something…maybe not retail (because of the temptations) but it might be a good idea to bring in more money and socialize a bit.
I think those kids know how to party! I think sometimes shopping really does make you happy!
It’s pathetic, isn’t it?! Shopping honestly makes me feel happy. I wish saving money was as exciting. I know the long term will be, but the slow and steady…goes pretty slow sometimes.
Well said most of the peoples can’t do the jobs they are perfect for just because they have public fear and if they will follow this rule of ignorance they can do a good move in their entire life to master almost anything where they thinks interest lies.
Thank for composing this article Michelle !
I do have my whole life still (most of it!) Thanks for your nice comment, Robinsh.
I seem to spend my life correcting my way of thinking. Most of us have selfish traits we have to fight to do the right thing so you’re not alone. At least you come to the right conclusions in the end, some people never do!
Money Bulldog recently posted..Want to pay off your debt? Why A Little Means A Lot!
I hope I’m discovering the right path. Thanks for the nice words, MB!
I love your story. I think a lot of people buy things because they are bored or don’t have anything else to do. Glad to hear you have friends that care!
20′s Finances recently posted..How to Get a Promotion
My friends are pretty amazing. I think I do get bored sometimes or depressed even, and that makes me want to shop! Shopping works for me; it’s my drug of choice.
Wow it sounds like you had a very productive night of drinking! I totally know what you mean about the urge to shop because it makes you feel invigorated, I know that I love to look stylish, but the fact that you’re going to book club instead is a much more positive way to spend your time! I like to go for runs with my sisters instead of going shopping, I find we always have the greatest conversations plus we’re burning calories while we’re at it. It’s a win-win.
Definitely update us on how the book club goes, sounds like it could be a good match for you.
Also, thanks for being private about your faith, I’m an atheist and a firm believer that if everyone kept their beliefs to themselves, we’d all get along a whole lot better.
Jordann @ My Alternate Life recently posted..Camping: A Cheap Vacation Alternative
I wish I had that with my sister! She and I both have kids, so it’s harder to get together for things like that. I’m trying to make an effort to see her more, though. I’d *love* if we could work out together!
Thankfully shopping isn’t one of our hobbies. It’s just another chore we have to do and it’s no fun at all.
It’s cool that your kid can break dance like that.
Joe @ Retire By 40 recently posted..I handed in my Two Weeks Notice
Oh, I wish I thought of it as a chore! And that pic at the top is not my child! He can break dance, but he doesn’t spin on his head or do backflips or anything.
He’s pretty awesome, though, and I have no idea where he got it!
Hahhahah I love drunk Michelle!!! I would keep her around to hear her inebriated thoughts too
I would also appreciate that you brought up having a PT job just to spend money. I would be lying if I said that thought never crossed my mind. It’s partly why I work full-time…so I can buy pretty clothes sometimes. Nothing wrong with that! I do like how your GFs brought up other hobbies though. I love channeling energy into my other hobbies like reading, running, exercising…the book club sounds totally dorky, but I think it will be fun 
I love to read and I’ve always wanted to join a book club. I just wish I could choose all of the books 
From Shopping to Saving recently posted..10 Ways to Deal With Vacation Withdrawals
I would love to start running again. It’s just soooo hot and I don’t have a treadmill! lol. I ran about a mile on Sunday, so it’s Tuesday…I need to run tonight and make it the whole mile without stopping like a loser! I’m excited about the book club! I’ve wanted to start a book club for years honestly, but never really put in the work to get people together for one. If I had a book club, it would probably turn into a wine-drinking club…so it’s probably a good thing I’m going to this one instead of starting my own.
I had no idea I used that many happy faces….so sorry LOL
From Shopping to Saving recently posted..10 Ways to Deal With Vacation Withdrawals
How else would we know that you’re happy, Erika?
Loved reading this and was surprised to say the least! But I do believe shopping can make a temporary happiness. When I get a great deal and look cute in my new outfit, I am happy! But personally for long term happiness the shopping and outfit doesnt matter. Long term happiness and full fillment comes to every person in a different way. However I find the most happy people in life are those who change others. I have a friend who use to be an addict to perscription pain killers. He has since changed his life, sober and now helps children after school who have parents that could care less where their kids are. He helps them with homework, spends time with them and counsels them. I have never seen him happier in my life. This year in 2012 my daughter and I did a Friends of Kids with Cancer run. Her classmate has cancer. It meant the world to her classmate that she was there with him. And watching my daughter run through the finish line with her classmate made me so happy I cried. It is life changing moments that will bring pure satisfaction. And to have a group of friends that when things are crazy, chaotic and out of order in your life…and they dont talk bad or judge you. Instead they say, I want to help you, what can I do. To me, these things bring happiness that shopping can never fully satisfy. =)
I would love to start helping people and making a difference in other’s lives. I think that would feel so incredible. From the discussions on fb, it looks like you girls really do try to help out the community, which I think is really cool! Thanks for inviting me.
I always like to look cute in my new outfits.
It’s cool you’ll join that book club. Cheryl and I both belong to similar groups and they’re both an excuse to go out with people. The activity is really irrelevant. I really look forward to “my time” and I know she looks forward to hers.
AverageJoe recently posted..Renovating the Rental House
Jeff likes to play golf. Actually, he likes to drink beer and talk about sports…or whatever it is that guys talk about when girls aren’t around. We used to play sports together, but it’s so hard when we have soooo many kids
and no obvious choices for babysitters. I guess we’ll have to do things seperately for a while.
Haha! Your 12-month old is already droppin’ it like it’s hot! Looked/sounded like an awesome Bday!
Bettina Em recently posted..Where to look for apartments in Australia
The book club sounds great. I think we are all guilty of moments like these, with no real filter. Thats great you are able to find some other ways to make you happy and still be at home.
Kylie Ofiu recently posted..Money Making Challenge – Step 15